I've been working on multiple different things, it's been fun also may have stayed up a full night working on my different websites. This will and is still being used though, currently though I don't have much to talk about.

Writing about my life/traumas to hopefully help others feel understood/not alone, and to heal myself and inspire those same people

09/21/2026

Deep

As a kid, like literally my whole childhood I was constantly going through intense mental trauma due to stuff I may not remember and also the grief of losing my grandfather at an early age, then also finding out absolutely no one I was close with where actually good people, my life procceded to fall into a deep hole no one cared to help me out of no matter how much I was obviusly screaming for help, I was despressed and extremly emotionally neglegted, went to therapy for all the grief and depression, and then procceded to get into the most toxic relationships ever while having people constantly betray me, I've since moved away and have healed but also have regressed in so many different ways, I'm still heavily suffering from what I've been through and not even sure I've ever or will ever feel like a "real person" due to everything thats happened (While also probably being undiagnosed with autism my whole childhood). My trauma has also just made me such a complicated person to understand and/or to even like (at least what I feel)due to probably being undiagnosed with multiple different things, biggest one I worry about being Borderline Personality Disorder, which I do truly believe I have as I have looked into it for years now and even a stranger who has bpd saying I should get checked for it after an episode, now obvousily I won't say I actually have it until I get actual confirmation but I do highly belive I have it. Now if your reading this and have a horrible view on BPD I don't at all want to stand up for any abusive actions but instead maybe give you some understanding of certain things as even if i don't have BPD my emotions are intense, like they engulf me fully no matter what even if I sit there and try to think logically or what how I might have misunderstood now sometimes yes I can fight the episode but it only causes me to dissociate and go numb. People with BPD are genuinely just people that have been hurt so horribly bad that any sign they could get hurt again causes their defense system to go up, everyone due to different reaons, like childhood trauma or toxic relationships, now no matter how much pain anyone has been through abuse is not ok so not ever do you have to stay, if you want to though and you have a partner thats willing to heal from their trauma then it's best to do research on it and just understand you partners symptoms as they can be different for everyone.